yeah its April and Graduation is creeping up

I've been working hard and why really...Prom....Summer...For my baby's birthday gift.

Life is just throwing out surprises and in truth I'm accepting them the best I can.

I'm trying to experience life without "her" but people keep reminding me the space she filled and how important she would have been to me in the future. That part is slowling down the process but not stopping it.

Currently Listening In My Mind By Heather Headley see related

- In my mind

I miss her

If some of you don't know how it feels to lose your mom before you're ready, then let me tell you. It fucking hurts. It hurts even more when you have family all up in your fucking face, telling you how she is doing better even when you feel deep in the backest part of your mind that she isn't. I still picture her lying in that hospital bed, watching TV, cracking jokes, and telling me how she thinks she's not going to make it ( watching her cry was the worst thing I ever had to see). I couldn't stand to see my mother, the strongest woman I know, crying and breaking down. I couldn't stand how my family wouldn't take me to go see her the night before or the morning before she died I felt like having target practice on all of them. Then my extended family who never bothered to call or write or visit is trying to console me. It doesn't fucking help. I just lost my dad last April and my mom this February. My graduation is going to be one of the sadest momments of my life instead of one of the best. If tt was for her first damn doctor stuffing new pills down her throat every two weeks without doing a damn blood test, then she would have never ended up in the hospital in the first damn place. I need her so much right now, telling me not to mess up in school since I have to make up soooo much work. And then my boyfriend Karey is trippin about how I don't plan stuff out the right way and if I mess up planning something else for us he going to leave me. Fuck YOU! Then he needs to leave me or I will fucking get him for the shit he does. He still talks to old girlfriends, do I trip, hell no. He still hangs with them, do I Fucking trip, hell to the fucking no. Then he ask me to pay his cell phone bill because he doesn't get paid for two weeks. I did, so damn if I'm not a good girlfriend. And he tells me how he wants a PSP or IPOD for his birthday which is right after Prom and right b-4 GRADUATION, I didn't even fucking trip and I told him I would get him some games and some accessories to go with the damn thing. If I hear him say one more mutherfucking thing to me, anything that pisses me off, I'm dropping him and all boys until the second semester of college. I can't type anymore cuz just thinking about how fucked up shit is right now is making me cry. So babye.

Currently Listening The Breakthrough By Mary J. Blige see related

- Be without You

yeah so I went to the Will Smith concert and that was straight. Saw Nicole and yeld her name but she was in the deaf zone (floor seats). Karey and I were 2 months yesterday and we are too tired from school and work to care. He got floor seats for the hawks game on the 27 or 29 I think they play the Sonnets or something like that. It will be nice to spend a nice evening just watching a game( I don't have to wear heels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Its Official that my rule for Christmas is no gift no recieve. Exceptions would be REALLY good friends and my likeable family. So it buena or ii desu. Its Japanese or Nihongo!!! Well I'm done, Luega!!!!!!!!!!!